"it's not a party if it happens every night"
beg your pardon, postal service, but recent experience suggests the reverse.

things i'm celebrating:

a) getting a degree. because it's cool, but also because i finally really finished something. aces.
b) getting into grad school. because i can start making decisions and new mistakes.
c) spring. because it's warm(er). and rain, green, and flowers are good. and sun, too. sun is good.
d) going for walks with nancy, pat, kevin, and mike... going to tim hortons and listening to music and swinging and greeting strangers with them. 'cause wow.
e) staying in touch. it rocks my little world.
f) sushi and cake. four days in a row!!! (pretty sure the streak ends tomorrow)
g) getting though a mother's day without bad tears!!!! potentially the first time ever.
h) vegetables. i like them. i always have. which brings me to...
i) my parents, for better and for worse.
j) matcha. 'cause yum.
k) closure. because freedom is sweet.
l) is for the way you look at me... i mean... no that works, too. i'm celebrating unspoken things.
m) purple (toe)nail polish. do i even have to explain?
n) mangos and avocadoes. see above.
o) is for the only one i see... finding God in the midst of bewilderment and hurt and beauty.
p) touch. (angie! i miss you!!!)
q) poetry. in motion or standing still.
r) time set aside for people i care about.
s) the chance to go back to romania in two months. and to hit italy on the way.
t) rivers, oceans, lakes, and water in general.
u) nostalgia-inducing music. particularly oasis, rick astley, cranberries, and counting crows.
v) the human body, which is among the most beautiful things i've ever seen.
w) growth. my hair and my heart and my to-read list.
x) new things i'm going to see and hear and learn tomorrow.
y) because we like you.
z) sleep :-)

Labels: amanda, community, cori, dad, david, food, friends, God, joy, kevin, kristin, mango, michelle, mom, real, ross, school, steve, travel

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Labels: school

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a) packs of condoms from costco
b) pregnancy tests from the dollar joint

just fyi.
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i found the most beautiful dress in the world today. truly. a corner of it caught my eye and i was ensorcelled. a middle-aged woman was nearly trampled as i was drawn to the far corner of the rack. gingerly, i took the material between my fingers and pushed the other dresses aside.

ivory flowed for miles, framed by a deep, life-giving red.
the beading was tasteful, elegant.
i gazed at the rich simplicity in awe.

it was so beautiful.

pulling myself away took tremendous self-control.

and i began to think about beauty: the way it invites and captivates me. the way being on victoria lake or watching the northern lights or flying into an albertan sunset overwhelms me because it passes understanding. i cannot bring it into myself. not fully. it is too much. and yet i cannot abandon it...

beauty woos me to itself and my heart hurts when i am parted from it. just being in its presence - daring to gaze, even to reach out to touch it - fills me with joy. and my little life means something because it has embraced beauty... i couldn't wrap my arms all the way around, but i did take a corner between my fingers and sigh.

those lingering moments with the most beautiful dress on earth changed my day. everyone and everything around me grew more lovely in the glow of what i had beheld.

Labels: beauty

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though the glare of the city was sufficient to light our walk, the rocks underfoot remained blurry. as i stooped and and squinted, it seemed to me that this was kinda the point: fumbling in the dark, trying to find something that will be beautiful when brought into the light.

Labels: beauty

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nancy's been having a rough week. bipolar would be one good way to express it. bouncing on her bed like a trampoline, slapping her ears, crying, talking about head hurts/foot hurts/bum hurts/ear hurts/hair hurts, wanting to go for walks for the first time since winter started, wanting to sleep in her room all day.

because today is easter. and she can't handle the anticipation.

i want to be more like her. not the bipolar part, but the excitement part. the can-hardly-contain-myself part.

"we know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.
not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies...

meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling...
so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life."
~paul

"call in the morning. easter tomorrow."
~nancy

η δε ελπις ου καταισχυνει

Labels: God

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blue lagoon supplies one of my favourite workout songs: "break my stride." its steady and energetic beat encourages me to, um, maintain my stride.

aside from that, the song is your basic "you done me wrong and now i'm pretending my bitterness is resolve" schpiel. there was a time when it made quite a bit of sense to me. that is, i was quickly able to list the number of goals i hadn't met because i let other concerns sap my energy and focus. and i'd listen to this song, not in anger against those things - no one but me has control over what i pour myself into - but in hope that i'd love my goal enough to maintain my stride.

but before i make this my new take on life, i look at Jesus. you know, just to check. and there's lots of support in his example and teaching. luke 9, for example: "Jesus resolutely set out for jerusalem" and then told potential followers that "no one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God." no turning back, no turning back. eyes on the prize and all that.

so what did Jesus' straight-as-an-arrow path look like?
- teaching about sharing His message, neighbourly love, contemplation, prayer, shining, woe to the religious leaders, hardship and persecution, worry, wealth, repentance, radical generosity, heaven, celebration, forgiveness, reunion, the cost of following, reversal of poverty, and His impending death
- performing exorcisms, healings (four events, two of which were on the day of rest)
- crying over Jerusalem
- counselling humility, persistence, childlikeness, and poverty before God
- making friends with tax collectors
- visiting his friends
- praying alone and in groups

and then He entered jerusalem on a donkey and the passion plays take over. you probably skipped that list but here's the point:

there are so many times that He's on His way from point a to point b and someone interrupts: a woman touches Him, a blind man calls out. you know how Jesus responds? "ain't nothing gonna break my stride?" iiiiiiii don't think so! no, He lets the needs of others determine His agenda, trusting that genuine love cannot interfere with the ultimate goal.

my stride can be resolute while still being open to others. or, anyway, Jesus' was. and i'm of the mind that God's got the same thing in mind for me.

and another thing... do you think Jesus really cared if people "walked all over" Him? do you think He worried about boundaries and enabling? i wonder...


ain't nothin' gonna break my stride
nobody's gonna slow me down
oh no, i've got to keep on movin'

ain't nothin' gonna break my stride
i'm running and i won't touch ground
oh no, i've got to keep on movin'

watch the music video!

Labels: community, compassion, God, love, songs

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